Our culture teaches that there is only one domain of relatedness: ordinary human relationship. However, through personal exploration, I can tell you that there are at least two additional lands: the extraordinary and the archetypal.
These lands are vast and astonishing. Once you have heard that these lands exist you can begin exploring them together. Here is the map:
In the land of ordinary human relationship, you go hunting for love, trying to find love. Love is scarce so you are a struggling victim of the circumstances, competing against others in love survival. There is not enough love. If your partner does not say or do the right thing, if you do not feel “warm fuzzies” in your belly, love has gone away and you fall into that all too familiar aloneness.
In the land of extraordinary human relationship, you take responsibility for the existence of love. You source love. You wake up in the morning and love is there because you are there. You stop looking for the evidence that love exists or for the experience of love because you take responsibility for creating love wherever you are. Being with your partner becomes delightful because you have the clarity that neither of you is a victim of the circumstances.
In the land of archetypal relationship, the personal need for love becomes irrelevant because love is all there is. Love is discovered to be what the universe is made out of. Instead of looking for love or generating love you become a servant of love. You are a spacious conductor being used by a love that is far greater than yourself to expand consciousness in the world. Your masculine and feminine forms become the archetypal gateway through which love become conscious of itself through you.
A relationship is like a space vehicle for the two of you. You can go wherever you want. In each moment you consciously or unconsciously choose which of three lands to navigate into: ordinary, extraordinary, or archetypal. Knowing how to choose is what matters.
Just because you have spent a lot of time in ordinary does not block you from choosing extraordinary in the next moment. Navigating your relationship space involves choosing what you talk about, where you put your attention, what tone of voice you use, what you don’t say, the timing of your words, what your true intention is, how you ask for what you want, how you flow power, how you share about what is going on for you, how you let yourself be known, and so on. As you become more adept at navigating the space of your relationship you are sure to discover unexpected wonders. Have fun!