It never occurred to me that I have different parts inside of myself. I guess this is because the part that avoids being identified as “different” successfully kept me out of places that would call up my different personalities. I thought I was a consistent person, a stable dad for my three children. Then I went to Expand The Box. It felt like Fight Club.
The world suddenly turned wild, both inside me and outside. I could feel myself feeling feelings. People became more unpredictable and alive. But so did I. I was at first afraid of them, then afraid of myself. Now fear has become a tool for detecting what to take care of, what to find out about. Fear turned into my useful resource. But try explaining that to your mother! “Oh sure, Mom, I quit my job and have gone freelance because I enjoy feeling afraid.” But then, it’s true. I used to act as if I was a quiet recluse. Now I lead trainings and coaching sessions with a passion. There is still respect and safety, but if the boat doesn’t rock you’ll never take a swim.